death by trauma

i've died. someone managed to revive me. but who knows til when can i hold on?

i've fudged up real bad this term. ever since we broke up. all i could remember was that trauma he left me from our relationship. i've done nothing good on my subjects either. i just.. wanna die badly.

add to that the never ending chaos at home. i've tried my best. i've stood up and tried walking again, but will i still be able to get there?

even with the guy i love right now.. it feels insufficient. i still feel weak despite the love, care and attention he's giving me.

i've already pierced my hands as i've tried picking up everything and putting all the pieces together.

is there a hope for me now that i've fudged up badly?

craziest things i'll do for you

I'll make you slow dance with me under the starry sky even if you don't want to. I'd stay up with you til I fall asleep on your side. Hug you from behind whenever we'd fall silent during our fights. I'd share my ice cream and chocolate even if I'm a sucker for it too. Pull you along into my shopping spree and choose clothes for you. Gaze the stars with you coz I feel at ease and serene whenever you're with me. I'd play Rohan with you even if I suck at it or play Ragnarok with you and explore the world of Midgard despite my character's weakness.

I'd snuggle with you during those cold nights. Try my best to cook for you. Spoonfeed you especially on your favorite dishes. Run with you under a pouring rain. Pull you close and kiss your lips whenever I had the chance. Grab your shirt whenever I'm scared especially when you feel like ghost hunting. Travel with you to the places we both dreamed of visiting. Laugh at your corny jokes and stories. Tickle you from the side then wage pillow fights with you. Hang out with your family as if they were mine just like my 3rd ex's.

Watch you play basketball or talk you into teaching me how to play. Swim with me in the ocean even though I'm scared with the jellies. Laugh like crazy at the little bloopers we'd do. Baby you. Force you to eat lunch coz you never did at all. We'd both eat meals on time (to be fair- coz I never did eat in time at all either). Take care of you when you're sick.

Be the last guy to be my boyfriend and take your first and last kiss. Chasing dreams and fulfilling them even if they sound impossible, because when I'm with you, nothing's impossible anymore.

fallin again

LDR again?

I don't know for the nth time.

But I can't lie to my heart. I am falling for him. And I do wish he will be the last guy I'd fall for.

Meet him.

An author. A Rohan player (former RO player). and someone who can make me smile. The guy who likes ice cream, chocolates, foods with lots of potatoes and coconut milk, etc. Someone who brings out the smile out of me without an effort.

I met him after I moved into LUF forums. Bored and excited to make new friends, I wandered into the fan fic section where I spotted his fics since he was the first one to move his fics there. Time passed and I was an avid reader of his fics and then he dropped by in "The Girl's Room" thread, asking for textmates. I did not hesitate and immediately pm'd him my number.

I can't recall how long I've been talking to him via SMS but all I know is that he's really nice and really interesting.. until I found myself falling for him... only my feelings got confirmed after we had this conference over Tinychat with the SMP members of LUF.

They were teasing us since we have that chemistry building throughout SMP (thread and confe). It was later on, the following day after that conference, that he too have a crush on me.

I am still afraid of LDR. But I think I really found the guy, I wanted to be with for the rest of my life (no kidding LOL). And I'm willing to wait (for a year) and then meet him in person. When you've found the one you're looking for, nothing else matters anymore.

make me fall, can you?

Heck, I'm truly lost in my thoughts when I met this guy in the LUF. [P]

It seems, I'm falling for him @___@ which is so not a good idea.

But somehow in his text and words, I've found hope of falling in love again.

Maybe with him? I don't know. But I sure am keeping my promise of meeting him someday... :(

By the way, T asked for my hand in Ragnarok Online on the night of December 1st. It really surprised me... Because I just met him recently and our date this monday was just something out of the blue-- from the Pacman- Margarito bout. @__@ I wasn't expecting it to be like this.

Well, of course I kinda like him, but I gotta sort things out first with myself knowing that I am fresh from break up and that its supposed to be my 1st anniversary with C. :( Idk, it really saddens me whenever I remember my previous relationship. He prioritized himself over me. @__@ Which is so not cool. :(

Anyways, that's all for now.. I am just hanging on to this promise P has given me. :(

"Someday, when you are finally allowed to travel, visit my city and I'll bring you up on the mountains and we'll watch the stars from there."